How My Life Has Changed After Becoming A Dad

How My Life Has Changed After Becoming A Dad

A few months ago, my wife gave birth to our daughter.

She has entered our world and filled us with love, but she has also turned our lives completely upside down.

Our lives have changed from one day to the other and to a large extent for the better.

We feel much more love

People had told me how getting a child would fill me with love like never before. Honestly, I thought it was a cliché.

I now fully understand what they mean.

I want to hug her, make her smile and be with her all the time. She’s the most sweet and cute baby to ever be born into this world. I can really feel how I have much more love in my life – despite already having lots of love before.

Love is an amazing feeling!

Work is lower priority

It’s incredible how work takes up much less of my thoughts each day. I have been less motivated to make a difference and much more motivated for being a good dad and husband.

I guess this is a good thing.

Work has never been my number one priority. It’s one of the reasons I am pursuing financial independence. However, I can definitely feel how it has moved down the priority ladder in recent months.

As I revealed in my last monthly report, something will also happen on the job front soon. Getting a daughter has been the main motivation of this change.

We have less time for everything

It’s incredible how quickly days pass when you have a child in your household.

It can take days for me to write a blog post. It can take weeks to answer messages from friends and family. Previously, this wasn’t the case.

Having a child is high maintenance. Especially for the mom. However, we don’t only spend time with her because we have to. It’s mostly because we want to spend time with her.

We have discovered that we have less time for everything. We do much fewer things than we used to in a day. This takes some getting used to.

What we will do differently from now on

We have learned many things in the first few months. There’s a few things we want to do differently after getting a kid:

  1. Be more effective at work: We need to be even more effective at work. We have always been busy, but we need to cut away social time and shorten meetings to make sure we deliver and can leave early. This is easier said than done and requires some serious timeboxing and alignment with co-workers.
  2. Plan even more ahead: We have always been good at planning. However, after getting a kid, we need to plan even more ahead. We have established a common calendar and make sure each other know what our plans are well in advance.
  3. Align expectations up front: Our lives have changed and this impacts our relationship. It also impacts our families and friends. We have discovered we need to be better at aligning expectations up front with each other and our friends/families. We need to be more explicit in our communication with each other. Otherwise frustrations will arise. We need to be more explicit with our families/friends. For example, we have less time to see them and we might be late due to a million reasons.
  4. Take “me” time: We have discovered we still need to spend time alone. We love being with our daughter, but we (and especially I) go crazy if I don’t have time for myself to do other things. We have agreed that it’s always OK to ask for “me” time.

These were our humble early learnings from two months being parents. I’m sure we will have many more in the years to come.

Do we want more kids even though our lives have changed? Hell yeah, we would love more kids. As a friend told me the other day, it only gets better and harder in time. I guess our lives will continue to change – we just need to adapt 🙂

4 comments

4 comments

Financial Nordic August 8, 2019 - 11:59

Thank you for the post! Good points from a father-perspective that is often neglected.

– Financial Nordic

Reply
Carl Jensen August 8, 2019 - 22:42

Thanks for the kind words 🙂 I’ll continue writing about my experiences as a dad.

Reply
Steveark July 18, 2019 - 18:28

How I remember 8 years of sleep deprivation(3 kids). And that was with a stay at home spouse! Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Especially when you have to apply tough love to teens. But you’ll have years before you get to the hard stuff. And raising good adults is pretty satisfying work. And kids are much less expensive than the “experts” say. We never noticed them costing us anything.

Reply
Carl Jensen July 20, 2019 - 00:12

Very interesting, Steveark! 8 years of sleep deprivation definitely sounds tough, but I can imagine it’s all worth it. What is one piece of advice you would give to a new dad?

Reply

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